There She Blew!

So it finally caught up with me yesterday. I finally snapped. It was bad. It could have been worse. But it was still bad.

Let's start with the back story. One of the most aggravating things about this upcoming deployment is how much it is costing us. Yes, it's about $$$$ this time. We are living on one income. (I have yet to find a job and we have lived here for almost a 1 1/2 years. But let's save that for another entry.)

 My husband is in the military and is paid to do his job in the military. However, he feels that in order to do his job well (a top priority for him, obviously) he has to supplement the gear that he has been issued personally and for the section that he is in charge of with his own funds. The first gear issue he received, nothing fit correctly. Apparently they received everything in L, XL, and XXL. (Yes my husband is tall, but not tall enough to wear Medium Extra Long) I knew how frustrated I was and I couldn't even imagine how frustrated he was. What makes this even worse is that he just received a brief from HQ about all of the cool gear that was part of the deployment issue and how much of it they have stocked in warehouses. He was hardly issued any of it, and what he was issued, didn't fit. About a week later, he was able to go exchange it all. But is still not issued everything that he was told. Even the items that are on his unit's own gear list are not there. How is he supposed to pack everything that is on the list, if he doesn't have it?

Then there are the comfort items. It is hard to tell your husband that he really doesn't need something that he says he needs when he is about to go fight a war on the other side of the world. Try it. The words just don't come out of your mouth. No matter how badly you want them too. Every time he mentions something else I hear the sound of a cash register and I see our bank account shriveling into nothing. So yesterday we were at a military surplus store buying dog tags and uniform patches because the ones they got from supply didn't fit on their uniforms (insert one of the many WTF faces here). Husband comes walking up to the register holding a field chair and that was it. I stopped him before he even got to me to ask me about it. I said quite loudly, in front of every one at the store (including one of his superiors) that he couldn't get it and went on and on about how we can't pay for this deployment when the military is supposed to be funding this etc etc... I was treating him like a child that asks their mom for the millionth time if they can get some ice cream at the mall. The clerk was laughing. He didn't think it was very funny. He told me later that I had embarrassed him and I felt horrible. I told him how I felt about all of our spending and how frustrated I was and how we just couldn't afford all of this.
I was hoping I could handle this situation with a little more grace and a lot less public displays. Hopefully this was a one time thing and since I released some of my tension it won't happen again.

On a lighter note we are going on a date tonight. My parents (who are super awesome!)gave us a gift of $100 to spend on a night out before husband leaves. So we decided to go to the

Melting Pot!!!

I love this restaurant. I think it is the perfect date restaurant because it's interactive and because it takes longer that most restaurants, it give you time to talk and enjoy each others company. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Final Countdown!

First I have to apologize. The point of this blog was to chronicle my first deployment. I can't really do that if I'm not writing anything. There has been so much going on the past few weeks. So busy we have forgotten about garbage day for the last two weeks (talk about stinky!). We have been working on getting wills, pre-deployment briefs, purchasing last minute items and of course packing...

As we get closer to the saddest day of my life date of departure, I have finalized my list of goals that I hope to accomplish during this deployment.
1. Learn another language- Well at least enough to get by if I was abandoned and no one knew how to speak English. I was thinking Spanish.
2. Tone and Firm- I can get a free personal trainer at the base gyms. They also have group exercise classes like spin, power yoga, kettle bells and zumba.
3. Clean out and organize our study- This room has become a black hole. It is the "not sure where we should put this, so lets just put it in the study and shut the door when company comes over" room.

Before pictures so someone can hold me accountable.

4. Take more cake decorating classes- I took the basic class at Michael's and I really enjoyed it. They have 3 more intermediate classes that build onto it.
5. Volunteer- There are so many opportunities to give your time to the community and on base it's hard not to find something you enjoy. I have already started volunteering with some of the programs on base and I hope do a lot more.
6. SAVE LOTS OF MONEY!!! - this is the perfect opportunity to build up our savings. I also have plans of getting a job after the holidays are over. Something where I can work nights and weekends to keep me busy as well as earn a little extra moolah.

On another note, I am a little more frustrated with a shorter fuse than usual. Not sure if it is the upcoming deployment or fatigue. But I did talk to my husband and he seems to think it is the deployment. I don't usually let things like this get to me. He has gone away before (some times with only days notice and for months at a time) and it's never been a big deal to me. I mean I miss him and I am sad that he is gone, but I know it's all part of the job. A job that he loves doing. I know that he couldn't be happier doing anything else and that always makes it okay. Sometimes I think it shocks him how okay I am with it. He always explains where, when and why he's going multiple times thinking that I don't understand because I'm not upset. I've told him that I understand that his job takes him away a lot and has long hours. I've accepted that and try to be as supportive as I can because I know he loves his job. It doesn't matter how upset or worried I get, it's not going to make his command let him stay home. So, I'm a little upset that this is getting to me. I want to make the best out of this situation and getting frustrated at people and the things happening around me is not going to help at all. Just need to find some motivation to get through this because it hasn't even started yet.