Sunday, December 12, 2010

I want one!!!!

Though I will admit, they really aren't my style but, I still want one!!! Not sure if I would have enough charms, but I guess I would just collect them as life goes on.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Is it too late to start thinking about Homecoming?

What's been on my mind lately:

1) Where should I shop for my Homecoming outfit?
- As my husband could probably tell you, I love shopping! Especially when it's for a certain event.

2) Should I wear heels or flats?
- Heels are super cute and sexy and I love love love them!!
- Flats would be better suited for the run-leap-hug move.
- Heels would help with the Homecoming Kiss so I can reach my husbands lips without having to stretch or him having to bend down.
- Flats would be much more comfy cause I'll probably be standing around waiting for a while.
- I could always practice the run-leap-hug move with my super cute and sexy heels before hand.

3) Who could I find to help me practice my run-leap-hug move with heals?

4) What should I have cooking on the stove to make the house smell delicious for when he comes home?

5) Should I clean the car myself, or just pay someone to do it?

6) Is it too ambitious to think that I could completely redo the flower beds, or should I just get rid of the weeds and lay some fresh mulch?
- Have I mentioned that I don't know anything about gardening? I also have a talent for killing things that grow in pots in record time.

7) It's been longer than usual since the last phone call...

8) What if they can't reach me since I've been out of town?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

4 Weeks Down, But Who's Counting?

While in conversation with a fellow spouse this afternoon, I realized that my husband has been gone for 4 weeks tomorrow. That is almost a month! You would think my reaction would be "Hooray!! A month down!" But instead I started a teeny tiny panic attack. "Oh My God!! I still have so much to get done before he gets back!! He has already been gone a month and I haven't even begun to work on any of the goals I set for this deployment!" Then I took a breath before my teeny tiny panic attack became a gigantic panic attack and thought positive thoughts.
1. Time is going by fast so far. This might not be as long as I thought.
2. My husband is safe.
3. I have been busy throughout these last four weeks when instead I could have been moping around.

So then I decided to focus and revisit my goals:

1. Learn another language:
Status: Not even started
Why I haven't progressed: I need to get my husband to sign up on Rosetta Stone for me. He gets it free through one of his military accounts (can't remember which one).
What I will do to improve: The next time I talk to him I will get the information I need to sign myself up while he is gone. I tried to get him to do it for me before he left, but we were a little distracted.

2. Tone and Firm:
Status: Probably going backwards
Why I haven't progressed: Well I have been busy with other things (yes I know, not an excuse). I have also been practicing bad eating habits. I was telling another spouse yesterday that while my husband is gone I don't have to cook. I can just eat what I want and not worry about anyone else and what they want. So if I want a bag of candy for dinner, I will eat a bag of candy for dinner. I also don't have a set schedule, so sometimes I skip a meal (in the case of today, two). Or I look for a quick easy fix. Like a can of crescent rolls for lunch. Easy to make. Easy to clean. I also just eat wherever I find free food. For example, today for breakfast I had two pieces of toast with Nutella (easy to make and clean). I forgot about lunch and this evening went to a child's birthday party where I found dinner. I ate two pieces of cake,multiple scoops of ice cream and a half a bag of Cheetos Puffs (not kidding, no one else could even get close to that bag until I was done).
What I will do to improve: I will make more of an effort to exercise. I have free classes, I just have to make them a priority. I often find myself already involved with something else when it is time to go to the gym. I decide that I would rather stay where I am and skip the gym. I need to start scheduling my workouts and holding myself accountable. Can't make any promises on my eating habits ;)

3. Clean and organize our study:
Status: Oh yeah, is that what's behind that other door in the hallway?
Why I haven't progressed: I can barely motivate myself to do the dishes. Not sure where I will find the motivation to clean the study. I just find the rest of the house is more of a priority. I can always close the door to the study. The kitchen, living room and dinning rooms have no doors.
What I will do to improve: I just need to dive right in. Once I get started on something I am a little OCD about doing it well and getting it right. I just need to take the jump and start. Once I do that, it will take less than a day.

4. Take more cake decorating classes:
Status: Started and successful so far.
Why I haven't progressed: I am planning on doing a lot of traveling for the holidays and I can't make it to all of the classes of the current or next sessions. I have however, taken a cupcake class that was only one day. That turned out great and I have already used some of the ideas I learned from that class for parties.
What I will do to improve: As soon as the holidays are over and my travels are complete I will sign up for the next available class.

5. Volunteer:
Status: In the process of improving
Why I haven't progressed: Because I have been in and out of town for the holidays I have missed a lot of volunteer opportunities. I also need to complete some training sessions in order to volunteer more. And though this might be a little unbelievable, I have been using a lot of my time making care packages for my husband and the guys in his shop. Though this doesn't count as volunteer work for anyone else, it counts for myself and my own causes (if that even make sense).
What I will do to improve: There are many opportunities for the holidays that I can help out, even if it is just a little bit. Some of the work I can even take home and do on my own time at my own convenience.

6. Save Lots of Money!!:
Status: I think this one might be headed backwards too :(
Why I haven't progressed: Well there are many reasons. There are still things from the pre-deployment build up that are still being paid for. I had to buy a new computer after he left so that was a good chunk of money. A lot of the money is going to care packages (they can get really expensive if you are not careful, which, I'm not). I also took a trip home for about a week where I went out with friends for dinner a couple of times. But the worst infraction was a shopping spree. I won't go into the gory details but it totaled up to about $300.
What I will do to improve: Well I don't know if this counts, but I try not to go to the grocery store (this might have something to do with my lack of progress on goal #2). I have also stopped using the credit card. I thought using the credit card was the better deal, cause if I was going to spend the money anyway, then I might as well get the points and the free stuff that goes with it ;) Well I put the credit card away and started using the old debit card. We pay off our card every month, so we don't have debit or interest payments, but there was also no limit. So we would end up with outrageous bills at the end of the month. The debit card has a pretty low limit.

Hopefully the rest of the deployment will be a little more successful than the last month! I will admit I am a procrastinator so I wouldn't be surprised if I left some of these for the last few weeks ;)

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Sorry it's been so long since the last entry. Excuses include: broken computer, out of town, not in the mood, and busy (yeah I know, that one's kind of a stretch). But that only means I have a lot of catching up to do. So here we go.

Emotional Breakdown:
     The night before husband left we should have been spending quality time with each other, snuggling, kissing and all that mushy stuff. But instead we were both busy working in two separate rooms. He was in the study, scanning documents to bring with him. I was in the living room putting together a presentation for the next morning. My presentation was part of a training that I was trying to complete so I could do more volunteer work while he was gone. I had been waiting to do this training for six months. I was so excited that I was finally able to attend this session. After completing the first day, husband told me that he would be leaving on the last day of the session. If I didn't complete it then I would have to wait until January for the next session. After talking about it we both decided that I should complete the session afterword, I would still be able to see him off.
     Right before the last day of the session started I explained that my husband was deploying that day and I was wondering if I could leave a little early. They looked at me like I was a crazy person. They were like "What are you doing here! Get outta here! Go spend time with him and enjoy him!!!" Que: flood gates. The only thing I could get out of my mouth was "I haven't cried yet." They hugged me, helped me gather all of my stuff, put me in my car and asked if I was okay to drive. I cried the whole way home (probably 2 miles, but that's a long time for me) and was drying my tears when I walked in the house.
     I'm not sure what it was that sent me over the edge. It could have been that all of the sudden I had to face reality and think about the fact that he was actually leaving. But I'm pretty sure it was the reaction and understanding of the ladies that were running the training. I never expect people to make exceptions for me and I always feel uncomfortable asking, even in special situations. I was struck by their immediate understanding and how they were taken aback when I wasn't expecting them to give me special consideration.

     The rest of the day was amazing. We spent the rest of the day together and though we were just running last minute errands I couldn't have been happier spending time with him. When I dropped him off at the bus, though we were sad to be saying goodbye we were still smiling at each other when they drove off. I had cried earlier that day so the last moments before he left weren't spent with his sobbing, blubbering, platypus resembling wife. I couldn't have asked for a better departure. :)

Friday, October 15, 2010

There She Blew!

So it finally caught up with me yesterday. I finally snapped. It was bad. It could have been worse. But it was still bad.

Let's start with the back story. One of the most aggravating things about this upcoming deployment is how much it is costing us. Yes, it's about $$$$ this time. We are living on one income. (I have yet to find a job and we have lived here for almost a 1 1/2 years. But let's save that for another entry.)

 My husband is in the military and is paid to do his job in the military. However, he feels that in order to do his job well (a top priority for him, obviously) he has to supplement the gear that he has been issued personally and for the section that he is in charge of with his own funds. The first gear issue he received, nothing fit correctly. Apparently they received everything in L, XL, and XXL. (Yes my husband is tall, but not tall enough to wear Medium Extra Long) I knew how frustrated I was and I couldn't even imagine how frustrated he was. What makes this even worse is that he just received a brief from HQ about all of the cool gear that was part of the deployment issue and how much of it they have stocked in warehouses. He was hardly issued any of it, and what he was issued, didn't fit. About a week later, he was able to go exchange it all. But is still not issued everything that he was told. Even the items that are on his unit's own gear list are not there. How is he supposed to pack everything that is on the list, if he doesn't have it?

Then there are the comfort items. It is hard to tell your husband that he really doesn't need something that he says he needs when he is about to go fight a war on the other side of the world. Try it. The words just don't come out of your mouth. No matter how badly you want them too. Every time he mentions something else I hear the sound of a cash register and I see our bank account shriveling into nothing. So yesterday we were at a military surplus store buying dog tags and uniform patches because the ones they got from supply didn't fit on their uniforms (insert one of the many WTF faces here). Husband comes walking up to the register holding a field chair and that was it. I stopped him before he even got to me to ask me about it. I said quite loudly, in front of every one at the store (including one of his superiors) that he couldn't get it and went on and on about how we can't pay for this deployment when the military is supposed to be funding this etc etc... I was treating him like a child that asks their mom for the millionth time if they can get some ice cream at the mall. The clerk was laughing. He didn't think it was very funny. He told me later that I had embarrassed him and I felt horrible. I told him how I felt about all of our spending and how frustrated I was and how we just couldn't afford all of this.
I was hoping I could handle this situation with a little more grace and a lot less public displays. Hopefully this was a one time thing and since I released some of my tension it won't happen again.

On a lighter note we are going on a date tonight. My parents (who are super awesome!)gave us a gift of $100 to spend on a night out before husband leaves. So we decided to go to the

Melting Pot!!!
I love this restaurant. I think it is the perfect date restaurant because it's interactive and because it takes longer that most restaurants, it give you time to talk and enjoy each others company. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Final Countdown!

First I have to apologize. The point of this blog was to chronicle my first deployment. I can't really do that if I'm not writing anything. There has been so much going on the past few weeks. So busy we have forgotten about garbage day for the last two weeks (talk about stinky!). We have been working on getting wills, pre-deployment briefs, purchasing last minute items and of course packing...

As we get closer to the saddest day of my life date of departure, I have finalized my list of goals that I hope to accomplish during this deployment.
1. Learn another language- Well at least enough to get by if I was abandoned and no one knew how to speak English. I was thinking Spanish.
2. Tone and Firm- I can get a free personal trainer at the base gyms. They also have group exercise classes like spin, power yoga, kettle bells and zumba.
3. Clean out and organize our study- This room has become a black hole. It is the "not sure where we should put this, so lets just put it in the study and shut the door when company comes over" room.
Before pictures so someone can hold me accountable.

4. Take more cake decorating classes- I took the basic class at Michael's and I really enjoyed it. They have 3 more intermediate classes that build onto it.
5. Volunteer- There are so many opportunities to give your time to the community and on base it's hard not to find something you enjoy. I have already started volunteering with some of the programs on base and I hope do a lot more.
6. SAVE LOTS OF MONEY!!! - this is the perfect opportunity to build up our savings. I also have plans of getting a job after the holidays are over. Something where I can work nights and weekends to keep me busy as well as earn a little extra moolah.

On another note, I am a little more frustrated with a shorter fuse than usual. Not sure if it is the upcoming deployment or fatigue. But I did talk to my husband and he seems to think it is the deployment. I don't usually let things like this get to me. He has gone away before (some times with only days notice and for months at a time) and it's never been a big deal to me. I mean I miss him and I am sad that he is gone, but I know it's all part of the job. A job that he loves doing. I know that he couldn't be happier doing anything else and that always makes it okay. Sometimes I think it shocks him how okay I am with it. He always explains where, when and why he's going multiple times thinking that I don't understand because I'm not upset. I've told him that I understand that his job takes him away a lot and has long hours. I've accepted that and try to be as supportive as I can because I know he loves his job. It doesn't matter how upset or worried I get, it's not going to make his command let him stay home. So, I'm a little upset that this is getting to me. I want to make the best out of this situation and getting frustrated at people and the things happening around me is not going to help at all. Just need to find some motivation to get through this because it hasn't even started yet.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Emotional Stages of Deployment

A workshop that my friend, who is married to a marine, works at discusses the emotional stages of deployment. I highly recommend this workshop if you are stationed on a marine base. They have classes for spouses, Navy wives, parents and kids. The list is taken straight from their textbook and is just a generalized list of emotions that may be experienced.

1. Anticipation of Loss
- Ignore or deny that deployment will actually happen.
- Fantasize that something will happen so your spouse does not have to leave.
- Difficulty accepting the reality of leaving.
- Crying at unexpected things.
- Increased tensions that could causes arguments.
- Need to get all the "projects" done.
- Difficulty with intimacy.
- Feelings of anger, frustration and emotional distance between couples.

2. Detachment and Withdrawal
- Sense of despair.
- Feeling that the marriage is out of control.
- Making decisions is difficult.
- Withdraw into yourself by not sharing emotions.

3. Emotional Disorganization
- Relief that the "goodbye" part is over, but feeling guilty for the relief.
- New routines develop, but overwhelmed by all the new responsibilities.
- Sleeping is difficult due to loss of security and the spouse.
- Anger towards your spouse for not staying and made at the military for making them go.

4. Recovery and Stabilization
- Comfortable and capable of all your new roles.
- Able to reach out for support.
- Feeling of self confidence and independence.
- Going through the "my" syndrome.

5. Anticipation of Homecoming
- Compile a list of things to do before your spouse comes home.
- Excitement and anticipation of the return.
- Questions of "Does he/she still love me?"
- Changing the house to reflect an "our" house feeling.
- Start changing patterns back to the way they were before your spouse left.

6. Renegotiation of the Marriage Contract
- May feel a loss of independence.
- Start being a "married" spouse again.
- Share roles, responsibilities, and decisions.
- A feeling of too much togetherness.
- Hesitation towards intimate relations.
- Falling in love again!!

Sounds like a roller coaster! I think I'm going through Stage 1 right now because I recognize two emotions. There are so many things I want to do and get done before he leaves. I have to remember that we will have plenty of time when he gets back. I just passed the part where I start to cry at unexpected things. Glad that's over! I was starting to think I was pregnant for a minute there. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

First Lesson

          My Husband and I have just had our first lesson together about deployment. It is called "Life Doesn't Stop Just Because Your Preparing For and Enduring One of the Most Challenging Trials of a Military Marriage." 
          We had just finished our pre deployment leave, visited family and friends while enjoying some much need time off. The Sunday night before he had to return to work, we were lying in bed about to go to sleep talking about how strange it felt that things were about to be back to normal. Our everyday routine was about to start again and it felt good. We were about to go to sleep in our own bed, at an acceptable time, wake up early and start the day with our jobs and daily chores. Returning to our average, normal, everyday life felt strangely relaxing. Don't get me wrong, we love the time we had to spend with our family and friends, the days where we could just do whatever we wanted at whatever time we wanted. The endless hours we had together during his time off was just what we needed. 
         We woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to go. Husband had been at work for about 30 minutes and I was getting dressed and ready when he received a phone call from the hospital where his father was recovering from surgery. They were preforming CPR and it didn't look good. They called him back about thirty minutes later and told him the devastating news. I ran out of the house mid-shower and rushed over to his office. I expected that as soon as I showed up I would whisk him away back to the comfort of our house. But when I got there he said he needed to stay and finish up some business. 
*Reality Check* 
          He still had a job to do. He hadn't been to work in three weeks and before that he was at a career course for two months. He hadn't been in his office for more than three days in almost 3 months. He couldn't just drop what he was doing and go crawl back in the bed with me no matter how bad he felt. He had to make sure his job got done and got done right for the sake of the mission. He finally came home around 1500 (3:00). The next morning we drove 12 hours to his home. The next two weeks after that were spent taking care of his father's final arrangements and tying up loose ends. If you have ever been in this situation you know that two weeks is hardly enough time, but we did the best we could and it worked out. 
         Since his dad's passing we have tried to focus on things that we are grateful for in this situation. There aren't many but the few there are have kept us going. First we are beyond grateful for the understanding of his command. This has probably provided the most comfort for us, because of the support he has in his unit. They told him to take the time he needed and while he was gone, he received maybe one phone call from work. The other thing we are grateful for is the timing. Though there is never a good time, we are glad that it wasn't while he was deployed. This situation could have been much harder and much more complicated to deal with if he was on the other side of the world, with limited leave (if any at all). Another thing we are grateful for, though strange maybe, is the people we met during this process. Everyone we dealt with, from the funeral home, to the Probate court (big surprise there) was more than accommodating and helpful. We also met people in his dad's life that Brent had only heard of and some had never heard of. People he used to work with, family who even lived in the same town, friends who he spent time with their children, taking them to see the air show when it came to town. As a person who comparatively did not really know his father ( I only knew him for about 3 years and in that time only saw him 7 times, but we did talk on the phone.) meeting all of the people that walked into the funeral home and looking at all of the faces in the pews during his service was like a small peek into his life. It is always amazing to think about the amount of people one person can have an impact on. I was grateful that I was able to get this glimpse and meet his family and friends who we hope to keep in contact with as time goes on. 

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Greetings all! I have been wanting to write a blog for sometime now. I love reading them and thought it would be even more fun to write one. So here goes. Obviously, if you didn't get it from the title, this blog will chronicle my life before, during and after the deployment of my husband. We have been married for a little over a year and this will be his second deployment, and my first. As soon as I joined the military community I have been preparing for the "D" word as almost every event I attended it was discussed (even if there wasn't one scheduled).  There are seminars and briefs to attend, classes to take and groups to join that are all dedicated to helping families make it through deployment. So far my husband and I are in the preparation stage; filling out will worksheets, writing important pre-deployment dates on the calendar, visiting friends and family during pre-deployment leave, and creating the deployment budget. So I guess it has officially begun!